Psalms & Proverb
Rick and I have been married for 36 years. Throughout that time we have been involved in rodeo at one level or other. We have seen this cycle that seems to happen with marriages. Let me explain it as I, a woman, have seen it happen. Hopefully, this isn’t you. Hopefully, your marriage is wonderful, all you ever wanted. And if you are having a wonderful marriage, realize that someone in the living quarters parked next to you at the next slack may be struggling, hurting, and just trying to figure out how to keep going on. Love them, pray for them.
How it starts! Let’s take a look backward for a moment. For some it may be only a few years and for some it may be twenty or more years. But think of the time you first saw your husband. Maybe it was at a rodeo and some cowboys were standing back of the chutes talking and one cowboy caught your eye. He was gorgeous in his Wranglers, boots, spurs, and hat. Stars suddenly appeared in your eyes. Your heart started beating faster, a flutter was in your stomach, and you fell in love. He was ‘smitten’ with you and wanted you always with him. You married.
The cowboy life was so fascinating. It seemed like a roller coaster ride, so thrilling. This Prince Charming in starched jeans was sure to carry you off to his castle in his dually pick up. It is probably safe to say that you didn’t realize what a price was to be paid for falling in love with a cowboy.
You were so in love with this macho, daring, independent fellow that you chose to marry him. You went down the aisle and said ‘I do’, and I will’, and ‘tlll death do us part.’ ‘I do’ and ‘I will’ seemed like such simple phrases and how easy it would be to follow your hero everywhere. But year after year of giving and giving we get tired and discontent. Prince Charming isn’t quite so charming anymore, he’s tired, grumpy, and wore out too. Somehow the rodeo life took more out of you than you realized, and the money tree has wilted and died. You are tired and discouraged with the life style you chose!
Marriage is a promise to God for life! But you did make a promise to God that you were committed to this macho, independent cowboy till death do you part. In Proverbs 31:10-11 it says that “a wife of noble character who can find, she is worth far more than rubies. She brings her husband good not harm all the days of her life”. What God desires of us, He will give us the strength and wisdom to do. A very hard verse to swallow is Proverbs 14:1. It says that "a wise woman builds her home, but a foolish one destroys hers with her own hands." This verse scares me for it says that whenever I do anything against God’s commands I am foolish and that my foolishness will tear down my home. Even if I try to blame other people, God doesn’t see it that way. When I go against God’s commands, I am tearing down the most important thing in my life—my home. So many of us are so busy trying to make it happen we just do what we think is right, not realizing the importance of knowing and living the Bible. We don’t realize that we are tearing down without even knowing it. We have good intentions of reading our Bible, but somehow stuff always happens.
But it hurts! It is human to try to get away from pain. When there is pain in a marriage we are inclined to blame our spouse and think if we get rid of him or her then we will be ok. But divorce doesn’t solve problems or relieve pain. It only creates new ones. That is why God says he hates divorce. Divorce is rampant, epidemic proportion in America, and we have a population that is hurting to their very core. The world’s says is if you are unhappy, get a divorce and go find someone who can make you happy. Mess around and have fun till you find one that fits. Using other people to make us happy is sin. It is only going to make the hurt deeper and consequences greater for all who fall into this.
How did we get in this mess? Because your bread and butter seem to depend upon performance in the arena it is easy for both the husband and the wife to get focused on the husband being the best he can be. So the wife will sacrifice to make it happen. Because of this it is easy for the husband to become very self centered. One day you, the wife, wake up tired of waiting on him and tired of it being all about him. The husband really truly doesn’t get it, because for years everything seemed ok that way. The wife doesn’t realize that all those years she has actually encouraged him to be self-centered. One of the biggest problems in marriages is a four lettered word “self”. Either or both the husband and wife become consumed with selfishness, self-consciousness, or self-pity. When self centeredness is not repented of any marriage will be less than the best.
No one enters marriage wanting it to fail! We believe we are Cinderella and Prince Charming and we are going to be happy forever. God wants it to be that way, but our lack of commitment to God has caused problems. God made women with the need to be loved and men need to be respected. There are all kinds of reasons why men don’t show their love and all kinds of reasons why women quit respecting their husbands. When this happens, marriage gets ugly.
What can we do now? Realize it is not all about ‘me’. It’s really all about Jesus. The best marriages are those that are built on Him. It is God’s will for a couple to stay married. The Bible gives only two reasons for divorce, sexual immorality and if one partner is not a Christian and wants out. It is God’s will that it be the greatest relationship you have on earth. But like all the gold buckles you have chased together as a couple to win, now you will have to work as hard at making your marriage all that you dreamed it could be. If you live, controlled by the Holy Spirit, He will teach the husband how to love his wife and will teach the wife how to respect her husband. Let the Holy Spirit show you where you need to change, and let the Holy Spirit show your mate how to change. It takes diligent perseverance to have a wonderful marriage.
Jesus wants your marriage wonderful! Nothing is impossible for Jesus. He can fix any marriage, if the couple is willing. As a couple, both must get totally committed to Jesus Christ! Spend quality time everyday getting to know Jesus better and better. This isn’t rocket science. God wants to give, but there is a price we must pay to get it. God designed marriage to be wonderful. God can make marriage wonderful! The choice is for you, you precious, wonderful people. Please take the high road—take God’s road. Get committed to Jesus and fall in love with each other again. Remember why you fell in love with each other. Make your relationship to Jesus your number one priority and your second priority is your relationship with your spouse.